Just One Day…

One day can change everything…

Sometimes the rain triggers my memories of that one summer…of him…of life that could have been….

I felt the cold rain drops on my head, on my face, in my eyes. The train was leaving for Germany and I had to say my goodbyes quickly. He looked at me…we hugged and did the euro kiss. His hug lingered a little long and I saw something different in his dark eyes. Looking into his eyes gave me an uneasy feeling, but with a smile I said, "We will meet each other again, if it is meant to be…" I watched him get on that train and I knew that I would be leaving for America the next day… I waited as I promised, he sat in the seat by the window, and I was drawn to the window. With a smile, I put my hand against the window, he did the same pressing his hand against mine and said, "I love you…" I saw that look again…Something hit me like a brick…did I miss something…I never knew…All I could do was stand there with that stupid look on my face with the rain streaming down my face and down the window. I took my hand away and watched that train leave taking my heart with it…I did not move…how could I not realize what was happening? Did the friendship that I had once known turn to something else? I guess I had always known but I was too stubborn to notice it any sooner…I just don't take life too seriously…why should I was on vacation not asking for anything… Could I go back in time and change anything?

Fast-forward 10 years…I go back to visit my family, knowing that he is there…
I see him…I feel like I have been stabbed through the heart …I just watch…he has not changed much the years have been kind. However his eyes look older and his face has lost that joy that I had once known. He sees me and calls out to me and again I see that look in his eyes…we hug and I feel his hot breath on my cheek in my ear. My feelings still the same after all these years? Life is different now…. I see what could have been…I see what I could have had… Twist that knife into my heart a little deeper….

Fast-forward another 10 years…I see him in Chicago…Could we finally have what we want? Or was it always what he wanted and I just wanted the romantic idea of what could have been? That is a question that I will have to ask myself, the question that I had to live with all these years. However, should I take the chance now that my youth has faded along with my inhibitions…?

A wise friend once told me… "Life moves on and all you can do is learn from it...."